Pork. The Other Fall Meat.

A Bacon-Wrapped Pork Roast... Sinful yet Sublime.

It's officially mid-August, and as the Major League Baseball regular season winds down,  and the NFL preseason gears up, we typically turn our attention to the fall. Out go thoughts of BBQs and Margaritas, and in come that of Roasted Chickens and hot ciders. For most of us, while there is still a lingering appetite for steaks and burgers, this time of year we find ourselves tiring of these options, craving something more...autumnal. Well, as you sit there, wiped out from all the weeks of traveling, and all the hours of boating and swimming, consider making this adjustment to your diet: Eat more pork.
That's right, while pizza and pastas are great fall foods, chicken is the ultimate autumn fallback, and because you're likely going to get your fair share of turkey and ham come the holidays (yes, I know, ham is pork, however lacking in personality), autumn is the perfect season to stock your freezer with a pork loin or two, a roast, and even a few chops. Loins are easy to work with, take no time at all to cook, and can be used whole or sliced to serve in a variety of ways. And a pork roast, properly cooked, of course, is the most divine cut of meat known to man. Butchers prep chops in two ways: bone-in or boneless, usually butterflied, which makes them infinitely more versatile (they can be baked -- with or without a breading -- or sauteed, perfect for pork Milanese, Marsala, or even Scaloppine).
Bacon is great for BLTs (the second greatest sandwich ever devised) but sausages tend to make much better companions to eggs and pancakes in the cold-weather months. During this time of year, in what pretty much amounts to its breakfast off season, bacon (along with pancetta, prosciutto, and even capicola, if you have a taste for something spicy) makes a great pasta and salad component. While there isn't much like an Italian sausage or a brat in the dog-days of summer, Kielbasas (or Polish Sausages) are great for cool, fall evenings (especially when they are nestled in a plate of steaming sauerkraut). And, lest we forget, fall is also tailgate season, which, for our purposes, should invoke two words (and only two words): Pig Roast.

What's on Tap in Man Land

They're hard. But are they hard enough?

                                  


The debate among guys over what constitutes a "chick" drink has raged for eons. Everyone has an opinion on the matter. Even women. Some have a rather rigid set of standards that define what makes a drink "manly," while others are more forgiving, allowing for a more broad set of criteria.
I've heard just about every argument, and as a one-time bartender have been a spectator to many a dispute on the matter. Some guys don't consider beer manly enough (they're just plain wrong), though most others agree beers are just fine -- as long as you don't "fruit" them. 
Whiskey is most commonly accepted as a tough guy's spirit. Vodka ranks up there too, as long as it isn't mixed with a fruit juice (or flavored with one). The guy who likes tequila won't typically get any gruff -- or take it. You start drowning tequila in mixers, on the other hand, and people tend to look at you sideways.
Rum is disgusting. Unless it is snuck into something frozen or blended, though a lot of guys do like spiced rums (Dr. Pepper and Captain Morgan were made for each other). And the only people who actually like gin spend their Saturday nights playing backgammon or bridge with their old college buddies.
Then there's scotch. Scotch is a man's man's drink. It always has been (and always will be). Period. It's the preferred spirit of myriad guys: Construction workers and high-powered CEOs alike, regardless of age. But you will never see a "man" mix a scotch with anything (with the exception of a few ice cubes).

So What's The Answer?

Whatever your opinion on the matter, the distinction is simple. The second you introduce a sweetener to a drink it loses it's status as a man's drink (this includes , but is not limited to, juices, fruits, sour mixes, and sodas).
In many cases, a spirit mixed with a soda falls into a category that is neither "girly" nor "manly," essentially somewhere in between the two. Examples include Jack and Cokes, vodka and sodas, gin and tonics, or Crown and ginger ales. The exception (again, for me) is a spirit (usually a whiskey or a scotch) with a splash of water. Yes, the operative word here is "splash." It does not sweeten the drink. That's the key.
Triple secs are another no-no. Yes, Grand Marnier is delicious, but it is totally a chick-drink component. Same goes for Cointreau. I drink it in many things, but I am not manly when I do so. Whiskey sour? Nope. Sour mix is not served on planet Man. Margarita? Again, not a chance (and don't even bother asking, because neither are Daiquiris, Pina Coladas, or Bloody Marys).   
So, what about a Long Island, you ask? That's okay. But just barely. Another strict rule governing the virility of a drink is that as long as it contains at least four liquors it is automatically exempt from "girly" status -- provided none of the liquors are fruit-flavored, such as Cointreau, Malibu, Blue Curacao (pronounced: Cure-Uh-Sow) or any "Pucker."
Light beers are not manly. In fact, the only real "tough-guy" brews are stouts (Guinness), porters, bocks, or dark lagers (Sam Adams is a perfect man's beer  -- and it's American!). Wheat beers are not manly. In most cases, they contain fruit (orange or lemon peels, or even honey). Summer and Spring brews are often the same. Winter brews can tend to lift more weight, but be wary of their additives. And pilsners -- no way. Amstel Light (an obviously "light" lager, brewed in Amsterdam) does not pass the test, nor does Heineken (a Danish pilsner) or Corona.
So, the next time you're in a social situation (or even alone) and you're not quite sure about the manliness of the drink in your hand, chances are it's not manly. Like I mentioned, there is a vast landscape between the chick drink and man drink designations (where most liquor and soda drinks reside). But unless your about to douse your taste buds with a warm glass of Glenlivet, a Crown on the rocks, or a frosty pint of Bass Ale, you are probably going to commit a serious crime in man land. Cheers!

*This post was originally published on another blog of mine, No Longer Prologue, on May 27, 2010. All rights reserved by Sean Michael Flynn.